It's Back! Now I'm Afraid.

It's back. That feeling that I want to start making more photos. Not just taking snap shots of the family at the lake but actual making of photographs. It must be that time of the year.

I've been very focused on my health since June 4th and have been devoting a huge amount of my free time to reading different health related books (10 so far) and blogs as well as podcasts. As a result, I've put photography on the back burner for the summer with the exception of family snap shots at the lake.I figured that if I didn't get my health in line I was not going to have the energy to pursue my passion for photography for long. Things were not too bad health wise but were bad enough for me to take notice and do something about it. Now though, I'm feeling great! I have energy to spare and my mind started racing this morning about some personal projects I want to do and about starting that portrait business that I so long to do but have been hesitant to start.

I've asked myself "Why have I been so hesitant?" I've compiled a list of reasons.

• I'm afraid of failing.
• I'm afraid of succeeding (that one hit me pretty hard).
• I'm afraid I'm not good enough.
• I'm worried that my gear is not good enough (I know that' silly).
• I worry about what my family will think. 

Let's look at these reasons one by one. Not too deeply. I don't want to use this as a personal growth session that you are stuck reading but maybe you have the same thoughts and maybe my working through them will help you work through yours as well.

I'm afraid of failing.
Well now, there's a basic human fear. Everyone is afraid of failing. Even those who say they are not. They are lying to us. They are still afraid but they push through the fear and give it their all anyway. This is in my opinion the hardest and most important of my fears to get past. It stops me before I even get started.

How can I get past this first road block to my success?

I have to realize that not trying is a guaranteed failure. How can you ever succeed at something if you never begin? Even if I don't succeed, at least I will have stretched myself beyond my comfort zone.

I'm afraid of succeeding.
I know, I know, how could one be afraid of succeeding at something? Well I thought about it and this is what I came up with. If I succeed at it, I'll have no excuses not to follow through. I might get too busy with it. I might get too big too fast!

What the heck is that all about?! I can do as much or as little of it as I want to. My own business means I'm in charge of the work load. Only I can push to do more and more and more.

I'm afraid I'm not good enough.
Ok. Maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe I'm more than good enough. If I strive to improve my photos every shoot and only show the best of the best well then, I'll just get better. As it is I think I'm a good photographer. I'm not a fauxtographer like you see on some of the poke fun websites. I don't try to pass off poorly exposed, out of focus and badly photoshopped images as professional quality. I do however think I'm a descent photographer with some skills. I take images like this one on a regular basis.

 

So I tend to think I know what I'm doing. I may not be Photographer To The Stars but I do a good job.There is no issue with my skills for taking photographs. I will admit though that I need practice with strangers and posing. I'll never get more comfortable with taking photos for people I don't know if I don't take photos of people I don't know. How profound is that. Posing is a creative endeavor that I'll just need to work on just like composition and lighting. All creative aspects.

I'm worried my gear is not good enough.
Ok. I suffer from gear envy just like everyone else but my gear is better than the gear the photographer from our wedding used back in 2002. Way better. I shoot with a Canon 50D and various lenses. No high end "L" series glass yet but what I do use is still so much better than what that wedding photographer had 10 years ago. Remember, it's the photographer who makes the photo not the camera.


I worry about what my family will think. 
This is a major one. I'm not worried about them liking my photos. That's between me and the client or for personal work it's my opinion that matters in the end. What I am worried about is the family being upset with any time I spend focusing on photography and business. I've been holding back a bit because my kids are still at the age where they actually want to spend time with me. Once they are teenagers I'm sure they will want to spend more time with their friends than with their parents. That will open up some free time for me to pursue business more aggressively. But that is no excuse for me not to start building a business now.

 
Well, now that I have that all figured out, ;), I just need to get out there and do it. It's not going to happen over night I know but if I keep at it I'm sure it will work out just like I want it to.

Chris.